That's crazy because, as a child, I always seemed to shift away from anything that had to do with people to the point where my pre-K teacher noticed I tended towards self-isolation. Not to mention, I always preferred stuffed animals over dolls since the latter made me sad and uncomfortable for some reason. But, discovering my libido at 7/8 years old manifested in a combination of autozoophilia, zoophilia, and AAP where the fantasies would be heterosexual in nature. This sexuality was mostly triggered by videos I had stumbled upon over the internet, but I fear my inhibition towards other people that I mentioned before played a part in allowing this to develop. Over time, however, my sexuality began to wane and it eventually disappeared from my fantasies (although, I tend to gravitate towards imagining alpha/omega dynamics and the anatomy that comes with that).
I should also note that I was very attached to animals and their essence as a child where I enjoyed roleplaying as them -- this was mostly online as I got older, but there was a time in elementary school I crawled around the schoolyard on all-fours with a polymer cheetah in my mouth as I pretended to be its mother (which I got looks for lol). In addition, I enjoyed "shifting" mentally into a more animal-like state as it gave me comfort. Even today, I still feel a dissatisfaction with my body and a feeling that I don't belong in it -- also a bad habit of walking on my toes that I never seemed to kick (unconsciously trying to imitate hocks, maybe, or just wanting to feel "graceful"). But, it should be stated that I have severe BDD that I suffered with for many years and any association with feeling out-of-body likely stems from this crippling insecurity and a strong fear of rejection/aversion to strangers that was fueled by my parents' paranoia.
I need to mention that I don't have autism (or I'm 90% sure I don't) and that I feel I was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. This article was enlightening, though, and made me feel less alone, so thank you!
That's crazy because, as a child, I always seemed to shift away from anything that had to do with people to the point where my pre-K teacher noticed I tended towards self-isolation. Not to mention, I always preferred stuffed animals over dolls since the latter made me sad and uncomfortable for some reason. But, discovering my libido at 7/8 years old manifested in a combination of autozoophilia, zoophilia, and AAP where the fantasies would be heterosexual in nature. This sexuality was mostly triggered by videos I had stumbled upon over the internet, but I fear my inhibition towards other people that I mentioned before played a part in allowing this to develop. Over time, however, my sexuality began to wane and it eventually disappeared from my fantasies (although, I tend to gravitate towards imagining alpha/omega dynamics and the anatomy that comes with that).
I should also note that I was very attached to animals and their essence as a child where I enjoyed roleplaying as them -- this was mostly online as I got older, but there was a time in elementary school I crawled around the schoolyard on all-fours with a polymer cheetah in my mouth as I pretended to be its mother (which I got looks for lol). In addition, I enjoyed "shifting" mentally into a more animal-like state as it gave me comfort. Even today, I still feel a dissatisfaction with my body and a feeling that I don't belong in it -- also a bad habit of walking on my toes that I never seemed to kick (unconsciously trying to imitate hocks, maybe, or just wanting to feel "graceful"). But, it should be stated that I have severe BDD that I suffered with for many years and any association with feeling out-of-body likely stems from this crippling insecurity and a strong fear of rejection/aversion to strangers that was fueled by my parents' paranoia.
I need to mention that I don't have autism (or I'm 90% sure I don't) and that I feel I was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. This article was enlightening, though, and made me feel less alone, so thank you!